Mr. Noah and I are nearing the end of our breastfeeding journey. We're at the best part of the whole deal...the last few weeks of nursing, which are just for fun. Noah gets most of his nutrition from finger foods or from his bottles, which are a mixture of formula and frozen breastmilk (and starting this week whole cow's milk!) And I have put the pump up on a shelf, just for any last minute weaning weirdness...but my mornings and my just-before-bed-times are now officially pump free. Which means at least an extra hour of sleep or free time a day, if not two. So my main grudges with nursing are over, and just the best parts are in play.
Every time Miles passed some major milestone, I was able to comfort myself that we were planning on having another baby, so it was okay. We'd be here again. And every time Noah passes a milestone, I have to deal with the mini-heartbreaks of knowing this is the last baby. Most of them are happy/sad occasions. Because of course, it's cool that Noah is growing into a neat little person. But also because we get to move something out of our house. "Aww, last time I'll wash a little bottom in the baby tub! Sniff. ANNNNDDDD, WOW! Look how much space we have now that the honkin' baby bath has been moved to the garage! How easy is it to wash both boys at the same time!!"
The breastfeeding feels like the same situation on steroids--or probably more accurate to call them hormones. There are so many reasons I'll be glad to be finished. I'll do a dance of joy when I toss that pump. I'll have a whole extra shelf in the cupboards once the bottles, milk bags, nipples, and pump supplies are cleared out. And the things I've been missing! Caffeine! Underwire! Nyquil! I'll see you soon friends!
Then there's the things I'll miss. Getting caught up with my Google Reader in the pre-dawn hours. Knowing Noah's getting all those juicy antibodies from my immune system. And oh, I'll miss the metabolism boost. I'm hoping Noah can hold out through the end of Cadbury Mini-Egg season. But of course, the thing I'll miss the most is that sweet special connection you have with your baby when you're giving them something no one else can give them. An almost never-fail comfort system. The quiet moments just after waking up and just before bed. I've been feeding him since a few minutes after he entered the world. I have certainly had a rocky relationship with breastfeeding my boys (though Noah and I were much better at it than Miles and I were) but I will definitely miss it.